By The Red

Ah, expansion! The winds of rumor bring a sweet scent, much like spring, when they carry the rumor of a new going-on in this confused league of boggled businessman corporation and occasional player aspiration. And now? Larry Bird and Co. are stirring up passions in Charlotte to bring a new team to the city scorned for Nawlins. Well, expansion teams are best known for being decade-long pushovers that grab as many wins in five years as a top team would grab in one (re: Vancouver/Memphis Grizzlies) though occassionally there's the glimmer of hope and entertainment to tease the fans into coming back only to be routinely disappointed.

However, you have to admit that there's some sort of sick fun in watching a team rebuild year after year after year and grab and lose talent via the draft and free agency, with the hope that eventually, something will start clicking and the team will start winning. I was toying with a little idea in my mind, you know. What if I had my own expansion team? What if I, my very own self, could assemble a team of league washouts, fringe players, just-not-quite-good-enough players, and annual summer league-ers to play on my very own franchise? Sure, team chemistry would be simply awful, wins would strain to break the single-digits in the first season, but I think there would be something good in the making. So here's who I, the amateur non-scout, would pick. I'm sure others would pick different people, so I'd be interested in seeing who. E-mail me with your choices, or try your luck and submit an article to InsideHoops.com. Lord knows I am!

POINT GUARD: Assuming that he's still around, I would like to take one Mr. Smush Parker and add him to my team. He's been very impressive for Orlando in the summer leagues, and though I know the summer leagues are just watered down versions of the NBA, it's a promising start. He wouldn't be too reckless with the team, and if trained well enough, he would show those people just what they missed out on by not drafting him. For entertainment reasons (draw fans, etc.), I'd also take Rafer "Skip to my Lou" Alston. I admit I'm not a streetball guru of any sorts, but watching video clips of him... wow. He's a free agent this year with few bites from NBA teams, so he could be available. He'd the the second option at point guard, but would come in to provide energy and juice- and just do whatever he wants. His game itself is flashy in the streets, and if a coach could work on him a bit, he could make it flashy in The League, too.

SHOOTING GUARD: I wish, I wish, I wish we could have Michael Redd from the Milwaukee Bucks. He is the human billboard of "instant offense". Didn't he toss in 9 treys for the Bucks in garbage time against the Rockets last year? Unfortunately, the Bucks hold on to their bench players with a passion (see Tim Thomas' $10 mill annual salary). Luring Erick Strickland would be perhaps a possibility. He did well in Dallas before being shipped around, and I really liked him back then. But he might not do well (though this entire team wouldn't...), so I'd have to fish around a bit. Jamel Thomas, currently of the Knicks' summer league team, would do for now. His defense is very, very lacking, but you can't question his offense. He can shoot. Also, Horace Jenkins. I know, I know, he's a point guard and waaaay too short for shooting guard, but maybe he could play a bit at both positions. He can score, a lot. I'd try to fit him onto the team somehow. Give him to the coach and say, "Make him play." Maybe pick up disappointing underachiever Trajan Langdon. Sign him to a few 10-day contracts and "forget" to sign new ones if he doesn't to well.

FORWARDS: Well, ugh. I need help here more than ever. I'd go the "undrafted free agents" route here. I would definitely take Peja Savovic from University of Hawaii (it was an atrocity he wasn't drafted), but he's already signed with the hellish mass known as the Denver Nuggets (as a side note, I've always hated the team because of the colors and the team name. You can keep the name, but please change those God-forsaken colors). Otherwise, I would try to steal Jerome Moiso from Nawlins somehow. Maybe with future protected draft picks. Don't laugh at this choice; he started showing up for games at the end of last season and was a top performer at the Orlando Summer League. As for that undrafted free agents part, how about experimenting a bit with Kei Madison and Lee Benson? We could keep them as bench players, if nothing else. Perhaps the athletic Madison could be the recipient of Alston's ally-oops. Udonis Haslem, in my opinion, was good enough to be drafted high second round. Let's see what he can do. C/F non-draftee from Greece Lazaros Papadoupolos (some GM I'd be... I can't spell the names of my own players) would have a chance to prove himself, and show that his selection to the Greek National Team is equal to NBA worth. Anyway, I think with Jerome Moiso shoring up the PF position and Kei Madison and Lee Benson playing their hearts out, with Udonis Haslem on the bench and Lazaros Papadoupolos bringing some bruising power, this frontcourt would be a good one for years to come. Or rather, in years to come. Uh, maybe, that is... well, on to centers now!

CENTERS: It's not easy to find a serviceable center these days. (By the way, you hear that term a lot, but what does it actually mean? I think it means "sufficient" or "just barely worth it" so I'll use it that way. Take that, you vague pro reporters!) It's tough to just take an undrafted one from this year since, besides ol' Lazzy up there, if they had size, they were drafted just because of it. It's impossible to get a good center for this sort of expansion team, so we'd pray just to find a serviceable one. Rashard Griffith, who tears up Euroleagues but disappointed in summer camp for Orlando and seems destined for NBA non-existence (hmm... Tyus Edney, anybody?) could be had for a future pair of second-rounders. In Europe, they say the only knock on him is his apparent lack of intensity. Well, maybe an incentive-laden contract could solve that problem. Rashard Griffith, meet NBA money you don't deserve but will be getting anyway. A long shot, perhaps, would be signing Keon Clark to big money (which he also doesn't deserve, despite being pretty good, but would get because the good Lord made him freakishly tall). I wouldn't guarantee it, though. Others? Hehehe. How about Seiichiro Kage (that's 'Say-ee-EE-chee-row Kah-geh') from the OSG Phoenix? "What?" you ask. That's from the Japanese Basketball League! He's about 6'10" and his OSG Phoenix went 13-1 last season. Go get 'em, Seiichiro! (Come on, you have to get into the whole Japanese punk movement. Japanese punks are cooler than you or I.)

COACH: Any nutcase willing to coach this rabble. I'd try to lure in an accomplished veteran looking for kicks (a la Jerry West managing Memphis). But really, whoever would be insane enough to take this team and attempt to coach it to decency would get a huge paycheck. From whom, you ask? Good question...

OWNER: Bill Gates. Hey, I made no concessions for the players, so give me a break with the owner. Finally, Bill Gates loses at something. Maybe he dumps the team after a few seasons and a couple million dollar losses. Then we'd just transfer to the Sultan of Brunei...

TEAM NAME, ETC.: How about the Bombers? I always thought it was a good enough name for an NBA team. The jersey colors would be midnight blue and light blue, with a silver or maybe orange trim.

That's all. Future moves: draft LeBron James and dump the rest of the team if necessary. Trade for actual NBA players. If not... degrade to the ABA in two seasons and finish fourth place.