By Simon Lim

A list of off-season recommendations for some key players.

Michael Jordan – Stay off those knees. Whatever you do don’t put any weight on them until the season starts, so you can last at least 20 minutes a game, because that’s all you’re getting. Get the team to carry you around for a while instead of the other way around. Sit at home and play some video games like all the other young guns in the league. If you’re worried about the playing time you’re going to get next season, don’t - just be happy that MJ on NBA Live can go all day.

Vince Carter – Make a hit list. Single out all of the people that trashed you when you got injured, saying the team is better off without you. Conjure up all your anger dude, and then when the game begins, punish ‘em. Punish all of them for trashing you, and writing all those bad articles. If you’re angry enough man you can win the MVP, lead the team to the finals, and everything else. Oh, and get Keon Clark to stay, you’ll need him.

Caron Butler – Research share values on the stock market. If he receives $100 for every Paul Pierce comparison he gets throughout his entire career, he’d be a millionaire. That cheque would be worth more than his rookie contract. He’ll be rich (richer). Invest in a Pierce-Butler Comparison share thing on the stock market, and before you know it, you’ll be hauling in the dollars you lost by being picked 10th in the draft. Just like Paul Pierce! Another $100.

Wally Szczerbiak – Wake up! You want the max contract? Yeah right. What did you do, open a theme park, call it Wally World, and now you have to pay off the loans? I don’t think so. You’ve been riding too many roller coasters. Unless you want something like the Joe Smith debacle to happen, you might have to settle for what you’re worth, definitely not the max. Sure you played like an All Star, but so did Steve Francis, and he’s not even getting the max, yet.

Steve Francis – Get the maximum contract. You deserve it. And plus you have to pay off the medical bills for all those freaky migraines you got during the season. Then you got to check into a doctor’s office and see what’s up with the migraines. Then, you and the rest of the Rockets, and everybody else in Houston, have to learn to speak Chinese since there is going to be a Ming Dynasty in town. Or give Emperor Ming some English lessons. Or create some sort of secret code so you can communicate with him on court, without a translator. Either way, the translator can’t be everywhere.

Simon Lim is an avid hoops fan from Australia.