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NBA BASKETBALL FAN EDITORIAL
Shaq-Fu
<January 18, 2002>
By
Corey Woods
Isn’t about time that we
make Mark Cuban, commissioner of the National Basketball
Association? Ever since he entered the league, Cuban
has spouted off his own theories about everything from
bad refereeing to star players getting the Eddie Murphy
“Coming to America” rose petal treatment. It turns out
that the man whom Scarsdale’s own David Stern has deemed
Public Enemy Numero Uno has once again seen another
one of his hypotheses become reality.
That brings on my next question: How did Shaquille O’Neal
only get a three- game suspension and a $15,000 fine
for his near-baby seal clubbing of Chicago center Brad
Miller? The only logical reason is that Stern and the
NBA’s top cop Stu Jackson wouldn’t dream of punishing
Wilt Chamberneesee. Shaq committed one of the most cowardly
acts that I have ever witnessed on a basketball court.
After receiving a few hard fouls from Brad Miller and
Chicago’s resident cee-lo player Charles Oakley, Shaq
went Marcus Camby on B. Miller, swinging a wild, roundhouse
right hand at the back of Miller’s cranium. The Big
Aristotle grazed Miller’s ear with the right hand, and
then proceeded to try to choke Miller with his own jersey.
Sound like three-game suspension material to you?
The Zen Master himself Phil Jackson and NY Post columnist
Peter Vecsey have both made the argument that Shaq’s
reaction was a long time coming. Their claim is that
Shaq gets fouled more and harder than any other player
in the league. What they conveniently forgot to mention
was that Shaq also delivers more elbows to opposing
players’ grills than possibly any other player in the
NBA (my apologies to The Mailman, who still is proudly
wearing the WWF Intercontinental belt). Referees constantly
allow O’ Neal to get away with offensive fouls because
they say that Shaq is just bigger and stronger than
everyone else. That may be true, but in terms of delivering
abuse Shaq is the NBA’s version of the LAPD. After watching
Dikembe Mutombo attempt to guard Shaq in last year’s
NBA Finals, I needed some Ben Gay and an ice pack. The
only other time in my life that I have seen more illegal
blows to the head and body was during the Riddick Bowe/Andrew
Golota fight.
The worst part about this incident is that a precedent
had already been set for sucker punches by Charmin Camby
last year when he tried to blast Danny Ferry but instead
cold-cocked his own coach, Jeff Van Gundy. Camby got
five games for his act of cowardice, but Shaq only gets
three? I can just see Stern and Jackson dropping the
rose petals at Shaq’s feet right now. If the NBA is
going to dish out punishment, they had better do it
fairly. Shaq’s punch could have killed Miller. The NBA’s
punishment really only served the purpose of telling
people who foul Shaq, “We won’t support you.” In the
end, that stops people from fouling O’ Neal, allowing
him to continue putting up big numbers against smaller
opponents. It’s the NBA once again showing favoritism,
shielding one of its biggest assets. I’ve got a novel
idea for Shaq: Make your free throws! If you weren’t
shooting an abysmal fifty percent from the line maybe
people would be less likely to slap you around like
you stole something.
In the end, the only good thing about this incident
was the fact that Miller didn’t actually take that shot
flush to the back of his dome. If he had been hit, his
head would’ve probably exploded like a ripe melon. They’d
still be pulling his teeth out of the scoreboard. Don’t
be fooled by Miller’s stupid little smile and dance
routine after his jersey had been ripped clean off his
person. He knows how lucky he is not to be Rudy Tomjanovich
II. Next time Shaq, do like the old saying goes and
pick on someone your own size. Oops, I forgot…there
isn’t anyone Shaq’s size (and no, Priest Lauderdale
you don’t count).
Feel free to write me directly
at cdwoods@insidehoops.net if you agree, disagree, or
just want to comment.
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