NBA
BASKETBALL: Crunch
Player By MICHAEL
S. LEWIS
June 1, 2001
San Francisco,
CA-Iverson is the league’s MVP, McKie it’s best sixth man, and Mutumbo
the NBA’s Defensive Player of the Year. Yet, in the category of commercial
performer of the year, Shaquille O’Neal is the run-away winner.
Tipping my
cap to Nike’s most played shoe commercial, which turns the stomping, dribbling,
dunking, passing and spinning of Jason Williams, Vince Carter and Rasheed
Wallace into a visually stimulating percussion performance, O’Neal’s metamorphosis
from beefcake power center to Crunch Bar’s poster boy outshines ‘em all.
How can anybody
keep themselves from getting up off of the sofa, jumping in the car, and
driving to the nearest convenience store for a tasty chocolate treat after
seeing the look of satisfaction on O’Neal’s face when he bites into the
delicious, and for him bite-sized, Crunch Bar.
For those who
have seen the commercial, you know what I’m talking about. O’Neal is sitting
on his lay-z-boy, listening to some rump-shakin’ music, enjoying his extraordinarily
rich and talented life, when a ravenous lust for candy overwhelms the gentle
giant. That’s when he glances at the camera, flashes his three-foot long
pearly white (mischievous) smile at millions of viewers, removes the head
phones from his head, and crosses the floor to his own personal Crunch
Bar machine, which he proceeds to rip from its foundations and shake until
candy falls from the dispenser.
Only the desire
for something truly, and irresistibly tasty, like for instance a Nestle
Crunch Bar, could have inspired this 7 foot 300+ pound man to rise from
what looks to be the world’s most comfortable chair and rip a large machine
from the ground with such force and commitment. Only the most primitive
craving for pleasure could elicit such a response.
When I see
this commercial, I am reminded of the old black and white movies where
the caveman chases his woman through the forest only to catch her, sling
her over his head, and return to his bungalow for some caveman pleasure.
O’Neal is,
without a doubt, a talented media personality. Much more than Kobe Bryant,
who tries to impress by talking smack in Italian, O’Neal connects with
his viewer, selling his product by warming up to us on a personal level.
His cravings are our cravings. Who can argue with chocolate?
It is with
great pride, then, that I award the NBA’s prestigious Commercial Performer
of the Year Award to Shaquille O’Neal. Please rise for our country’s national
anthem...
