By Corey Woods

(Editor's Note: this is a contributed article, neither written nor edited by InsideHoops.com. Opinions are those of the writer.)

chem.is.try (www.dictionary.com)

1. The science of the composition, structure, properties, and reactions of matter, especially of atomic and molecular systems.
2. The composition, structure, properties, and reactions of a substance.
3. The elements of a complex entity and their dynamic interrelation: "Now that they had a leader, a restless chemistry possessed the group" (John Updike).
4. Mutual attraction or sympathy; rapport: The chemistry was good between the partners.

The aforementioned word is something that Portland Jail Blazer General Manager Bob Whitsitt seems to have absolutely no concept of. Men like Jerry West and Red Auerbach are geniuses not because they can acquire good talent, but because they can get good players and have them all work together within a team concept. Whitsitt's specialty seems to be using Paul Allen's bottomless checkbook to acquire nothing but talented rejects and morons. For years, Trader Bob has never been shy about pulling the trigger on a deal. He has acquired many talented players, such as Ruben Patterson, Damon Stoudamire, Bonzi Wells, and Jeff McInnis. What I didn't mention though, is that all of these guys are head cases. It's one thing maybe if you put one of them on a team with a bunch of solid citizens. It's another when you put them all in the same locker room. No one's saying that you need a team full of saints or Mensa members, but they also don't need to be thugs or parole violators.

To quote Janet (or Miss Jackson, if you're nasty), "What have you done for me lately?" If you ask Ruben "Ike Turner" Patterson that question, he'd tell you that that he's assaulted his wife and is now facing felony domestic abuse charges. He could also tell you about that time where he allegedly sexually assaulted his child's babysitter. This is all coming from the guy who was once the self-professed "Kobe-Stopper?" Try "Nanny-Stopper" you big dummy.

Then you have Damon Stoudamire, our favorite undersized point guard. Damon loves to complain about playing time, despite the fact that he's an extreme defensive liability. He's also your classic shooting guard in a midget's body. The only thing Damon passes these days is the chronic. Bonzi Wells? If he's not playing "Pin the Tail on Danny Ferry" with a wad of saliva, he's probably insulting his hometown fans. What about Jeff McInnis, another one of Whitsitt's great acquisitions? Jeff's only already gotten into a fight with one of his teammates, while having ex-teammate Darius Miles rip him, saying that McInnis was responsible for most of the problems that their former team, the Clippers had last year. Rasheed Wallace? If he's not leading the league in technical fouls, he's probably hollering at Stoudamire to "puff, puff, give." Maybe Sheed thinks that the occasional tree might take the edge off when the refs come at him.

Thanks to Whitsitt, Portland fans are more likely to see their team on Cops than at the Rose Garden. Throwing money at a problem is also not always the answer. Ask Scott Layden and anyone who still watches the calamity known as the New York Knicks. Spending money isn't a bad thing, and you usually have to in order to put a competitive product on the floor. What you can't do though, is put a bunch of square pegs in round holes. That's essentially what Trader Bob has done. He has assembled the basketball equivalent to the Texas Rangers. It's amazing that Bob is still employed. The job of any general manager is to find the right mix and Whitsitt's batter always seems to come out extremely lumpy.

As always, feel free to send all correspondence to cdwoods@insidehoops.net.