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By M.J. Darnell

* Out the door

NBA Head Coaches have all the job security of Whitney and Bobby's marriage counselor. I'm not advocating the firing of any of these gentlemen, but if you had to put your money on the next to go, here are some helpful odds.

Don Chaney: 15-1. Chaney's the only coach on this list who's players haven't outright revolted against him. That works in his favor. Also working in his favor is that the Knicks are the Knicks and there seems to be a general understanding that they are going to suck. That's what the Knicks do.

Of course, this isn't exclusively Chaney's fault, and may not be even a little bit his fault. It's almost as if GM Scott Layden has been on a personal mission to make the Knicks roster as overpaid and non-cap friendly as possible. The gimp knee of Antonio McDyess is also not Chaney's fault, and the task of re-working him into a line-up of guys that have learned to live without him would be difficult for any coach.

But the fact remains that he is the head coach of a losing team with a massive payroll that resides in New York City, and those never seem to last too long. Ask Jim Fassel.

Terry Stotts: 6-1. Both Jason Terry and Theo Ratliff have taken turns recently getting loose on their head coach. After a 97-79 loss to the Heat (that's an 18-point loss to a 9-16 Eastern Conference team... ouch), Theo Ratliff went off. "If you keep doing what you're doing and it's not working - I don't care what it is - change up, do something, trap. I don't care. Change the starting five. Do something. Do something, man. To sit there and just let that... happen like that. It's terrible. Just terrible." Hard to argue with that.

Jason Terry took his turn after a 98-85 loss to Golden State. After being told that Stotts said he wasn't impressed with Terry's play off the bench, Terry said, "I wasn't impressed with the way he coached tonight, either." Pretty nice little blast, Jason Terry.

The Hawks are not only bad, they're boring. Hawks games are about as well-attended as a gay orgy at Matt Millen's house, and a hire like Doc Rivers or Dominique Wilkins would certainly help put booties in the seats. One thing Stotts does have working for him, however, is the fact that the team is in the process of being sold, and the organization doesn't want to give the indication that they're unstable. And they aren't, really, their level of suck seems to be quite consistent. They've lost 11 of their last 13. That looks pretty stable to me. Just not in a good way.

Byron Scott: 5-3. The Nets are perhaps the most disappointing team in the league thus far this season, and a lot of people believe that the New Jersey nosedive has way less to do with the losses of Alonzo Mourning or Dikembe Mutombo than it does with the loss of Eddie Jordan.

Even without Zo or Deke, the Nets should be better than a .500 team. They aren't. The finger of blame is being pointed at Scott, at least by Jason Kidd. Kidd wigged out after losing by 47 to Memphis (and yeah, I suppose that's a pretty good reason to wig out), and launched a tirade directed at Scott in the locker room after the game. No Nets player has since spoken up to disagree with him.

Scott's been in a bad situation since this season tipped off. Rod Thorn very publicly declined to give him a contract extension this off-season, and that's a pretty good way to undermine the respect a coach gets in the locker room.

Scott may also benefit from the fact that the Nets may be in the process of being sold, but the Nets meltdown has been more public and more drastic than any other. It's hard to see him lasting long into 2004.

* MJD's Very Special Christmas Wish List

Christmas is a time for giving. If I could give anything I wanted to NBA personalities, my list would include the following.

For the New Orleans Hornets and Utah Jazz, I hope: You swap nicknames. I don't know if there are bees in Utah, but there's damn sure no Jazz.

For LeBron James, I hope: Someone finally gives you the attention you deserve.

For Rasheed Wallace, I hope: Someone hooks you up with a nice dime bag.

For Dirk Nowitzki, I hope: Your hair grows back. You look like a villain in a Steven Seagal movie.

For Sam Cassell, I hope: You are someday reunited with your long-lost brother, E.T.

For ESPN, I hope: You someday hire someone to do NBA telecasts that can provide some form of entertainment or insight.

For Antoine Walker, I hope: You can find some way to pick up the pieces of your shattered life after being traded to a legitimate title contender.

For Andrei Kirilenko, I hope: You get to the barber. With a quickness.

For Charles Barkley, I hope: Your golf swing eventually becomes something resembling a golf swing.

For Charles Oakley, I hope: You get a TV job somewhere. Actually, that's more for me.

* It's Darko before the dawn

Joe Dumars and Darko Milicic are taking a lot of abuse right now. Their offense is stagnant, usually resulting in a quick missed jumper, they don't have the depth they had last year, and defensively, they aren't near what they used to be. None of this is a reason to criticize the selection of Darko Milicic, but that's become a favorite pastime of NBA broadcasters and writers. Everyone needs to get up off Darko.

Things are actually going exactly as planned. He was not drafted to play big minutes this year, or even any minutes at all. He's 18, thin, and has almost no experience playing with his back to his basket. Joe Dumars knew this, and he made this draft pick for 2 or 3 years from now, not December of 2003. The Pistons do not need big man help at the minute, and even if they did, Darko isn't going to replace the defense and leadership that left with Michael Curry, Jon Barry, and even Cliff Robinson this summer.

The six players chosen immediately after Darko are all playing and putting up some numbers right now. Carmelo, Chris Bosh, Dwayne Wade, Chris Kaman, Kirk Kinrich, and TJ Ford are all contributing for teams that drafted them expecting an immediate impact. And that's outstanding, but that was the plan for them. The plan for Darko is different, so let's give it a couple of years before we start calling him Sam Bowie.

* The Mighty 10

1. San Antonio. The Spurs have quietly embarked on an 8-game win streak, moving to just three back of the Lakers in the West.

2. LA Lakers. Still the best record in the league, and probably still the best team, but any chance I have to drop them from the 1-spot, I'm doing to do it.

3. Sacramento. Not doing anything but winning. Peja continues to put up MVP numbers, and picking up Brad Miller is looking like a stroke of genius.

4. Denver. Since November 28th, Voshon Lenard is averaging 20.9 a game. His previous high for any year is 14. Does the NBA have a role player of the year award?

5. Memphis. Beat anyone by 47 points, and you can crack the Top 5. Winners of 7 of their last 9, including W's over Portland, New Jersey (twice), and Sacramento. Schedule the Nets more often.

6. Indiana. The East is looking like a two-team race between the Pacers and Hornets. Pacers have the edge for now.

7. Minnesota. Starting to show signs of putting things together. Sprewell's had a couple of massive games lately, as has Sam Cassell. KG continues to be KG, and is bringing MVP numbers.

8. Dallas. The win against the Lakers last Friday gets the Mavs some love, but back-to-back losses to Boston and Minnesota don't help.

9. New Orleans. Lost three in a row, but I wanted to get another Eastern Conference team in here, and who else was I going to put in the Mighty 10, the Knicks?

10. Golden State. Mike Dunleavy's had some sick numbers recently, as has Jason Richardson. And of course, Brian Cardinal remains his unstoppable self. They're also on an East Coast swing, so they'll probably rack up a couple more W's before heading West to play the Lakers, Kings, and Nuggets.

* The Meek 5

25. Chicago. They're not bad enough to make fun of, and at least they're bad and young, as opposed to bad and old.

26. Washington. Losing to the Knicks and the Magic in the same week... that's not good.

27. Phoenix. How can a team with Amare, Matrix, and Starbuy be absolutely terrible? I don't know. But they are.

28. Cleveland. 34 road losses in a row. No one's had a worse time on the road since OJ in the white Bronco. The trade is going to help this team, though, and I'm predicting they won't be in this spot next week.

29. Atlanta. Lost 9 of their last 10, including games against Miami, Orlando, Cleveland, and Milwaukee. That's not just ugly, that's Mark Eaton ugly.

Congratulations to the Orlando Magic, by the way, for working their way out of the Meek 5 with a red-hot streak of 3 wins in 5 games.

* Post moves

-- As hard as I am on Antoine Walker, I've gotta give him props for making me laugh this week. During the Lakers/Mavs game last Friday, 'Toine and Shaq got into a little bit, with Shaq having to be held back. Asked after the game what Shaq said to him, 'Toine replied, "He said he was going to beat me up."

-- I think we all also felt sadness when 'Toine announced this week that he would no longer be doing the shimmy.

-- The worst team in the Midwest Division has the same record as the best team in the Atlantic Division (Utah and Philadelphia at 13-12).

-- LeBron's new Nike Air Zoom Generation (that really rolls off the tongue) shoes go on sale Saturday. People are expected to be camping out waiting for them. If you camp out to buy a pair of shoes, you are not a winner.

-- A.I. could be out until January. The league is considerably less exciting without him.

-- Congratulations to Ben Handlogten on the birth of your baby.

-- Happy Holidays to all, and if you've read this or anything I've written, you've given me a gift. Thanks and love. Throwin' Bows will return after Christmas.

Comment, Question, Problem, Compliment, Tirade, Hate Mail? Feel free. Email mjd888@insidehoops.net (remove the 888)