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We've taken a few liberties with the order of the draft, just to ensure that everyone has a first round selection. With that in mind, we present the first annual Throwin' Bows mock draft. Don't just read the first pick or you'll miss out.

1. Orlando Magic: Ricky Davis. I know he's Celtic property, but they really wouldn't mind giving him up, would they? But this selection is contingent on the Magic selecting Dwight Howard at #1 overall. I just want to see what would happen with the ultra-religious holy roller Dwight Howard on the same team with Ricky Davis. Which would happen first, Ricky Davis taking prayer breaks at halftime, or Dwight Howard wearing giant diamond earrings, recording a gangsta rap CD, and fathering 11 children out of wedlock?

2. Los Angeles Clippers: Roy Hobbs. Is anyone else capable of turning around a perennial loser like Roy Hobbs? He's getting a little old, but the key here is a basketball with a lightning bolt and word "Wonderboy" under it. It's just sad that Quentin Richardson is going to have to go crashing through a wall and die.

3. Chicago Bulls: Michael Jackson. MJ's in Chicago seem to do very well, and with Tyson Chandler and Eddy Curry having never gotten anywhere near their potential, it's clear that the Bulls need someone who is capable of reaching young boys. And that's all the joke I'm willing to make.

4. Charlotte Bobcats: Charles Oakley. I can't think of a better role model for the young roster that Charlotte is going to assemble. They might not win a lot of games, but they would certainly never be intimidated.

5. Washington Wizards: Doesn't matter. Whoever they draft will end up helping the Pistons to win a championship in a few years anyway. Ben Wallace. Rasheed Wallace. Jerry Stackhouse for Rip Hamilton? Put that one in the "It seemed like a good idea at the time" file. It's just plain rude to do to someone what Joe Dumars did to Michael Jordan without buying them dinner first.

6. Altanta Hawks: Iron Mike Tyson. The Hawks have plenty of cap space, but no one willing to take their money. Mike needs money, and no one else wants to play for the Hawks, so why not? Tell me, are you more interested in seeing Mike go toe-to-toe with Kevin McBride or Ron Artest?

7. Phoenix Suns: Cedric Ceballos. I don't know if you're aware of this, but Cedric Ceballas is currently serving as the Suns "Game Night Emcee." That's right, The Franchise is currently the annoying guy that says goofy things at timeouts and between quarters and such. That just has to be a surreal experience for Suns fans. I can't even imagine it. Let's get him back in uniform before someone gets hurt.

8. Toronto Raptors: Billy Dee Williams. Billy Dee's first and only defensive assignment will be Vince Carter's mother. Vince's mom has an opinion on the new GM, she's at courtside, she's always speaking for Vince. It's gotta be a bit of a distraction for the organization. Billy Dee's job is to occupy her, and if some Colt 45 has to involved, well... do your thing, Lando.

9. Philadelphia 76ers: A restraining order against Danny Ainge. I think Jim O'Brien's a good coach. He just doesn't seem to ever want to be around Danny Ainge again, and it's hard to blame a guy for that.

10. Cleveland Cavaliers: Ice Cube. He proved in both the Barbershop movies that he's a wizard with a pair of scissors and some clippers, and I think I speak for every NBA fan out there when I say that I'd like to see something done about Carlos Boozer's chest hair.

11. Golden State Warriors: Paris Hilton. They could lose both Adonal Foyle and Eric Dampier to free agency. If they do, they'll need someone to, um... go down low and to the dirty work. Enter Paris. Her workouts have looked spectacular on tape.

12. Seattle Supersonics: Steven from Real World Seattle. The Sonics lack an intimidating presence in the middle, and sometimes, you just need to go crazy and slap somebody. And then throw their teddy bear in the ocean.

13. Portland Trailblazers: Olden Polynice. Everyone's familiar with the Blazers legal troubles. They've tried getting rid of the bad influences. That didn't work. That next step? You've gotta have a few friends on the force. Olden has a little experience posing as a police officer, so it couldn't hurt.

14. Utah Jazz: Wynton Marsalis. Just because it'd be nice to have some actual jazz in Utah. This will torment me until I die. There's a team in New Orleans, and a team owned by the guy who owns BET, and the Jazz are in Utah?

15. Boston Celtics: Che Guevara. Someone's got to get in there and overthrow Danny Ainge before it's too late. Who better than the legendary Cuban revolutionary?

16. New Orleans Hornets: Howard Payne. That's right, the Dennis Hopper character from Speed. Because when the Hornets pack up the bus and head to the Western Conference, they're going to want someone to hijack that bus and turn it back around. Enjoy the West, Hornets. I hope you enjoyed your time in the playoffs.

17. Miami Heat: Luigi. He'd make a perfect assistant for head coach Mario.

18. Denver Nuggets: Jermaine Dupri. Add Dupri and swing a trade for Latrell Sprewell, combine them with Carmelo, and the world's three foremost cornrow mulletts would all be on the same time. Opponents would be mesmerized and the Nuggets would be unstoppable.

19. New Jersey Nets: The Wizard of Oz. Remember how everyone thought the Wizard was this big intimidating force, but in reality he was just a little guy? The Nets need to work something similar with Lawrence Frank. I like him. I think he's a good coach. But they've got to figure out some way to make him look a little bit more like an NBA coach. If I played for the Nets, I'd walk into practice every day feeling like I was just rolled into surgery and saw Doogie Howser standing there with a scalpel. I keep expecting to see Vinny Delpino on the bench as an assistant.

20. Sacramento Kings: Tiger Woods. It's a perfect fit. Every week Tiger comes up short of victory, then says that everything is fine, and that he doesn't need any help, and he's really close to putting it all together. Just like the Kings say each May. It just sounds more believable from Tiger.

21. Los Angeles Lakers: The Honorable Lance Ito. The Lakers could soon have a lot of needs, but none bigger than a judge who favors rich black celebrity athletes who may or may not have done bad things to white women. Lance has a history. Just a hunch.

22. San Antonio Spurs: Me. Not to play any ball, but to serve as the clock operator. .4 seconds, and you can't even get a little bit of home cooking by the clock guy? I'm pushing the start button as soon as Gary Payton even looks like he's thinking about inbounding the ball.

23. Indiana Pacers: Frosty the Snowman. White enough for ya, Larry?

24. New York Knicks: Marv Albert. The easiest selection in the draft. They need Marv back. I don't even like the Knicks, and this appalls me. He was just about the Knicks' best performer. And he gets fired because he went on the air and criticized the way Don Chaney was fired? What was he supposed to do, call it a class move? I've seen pimps in Trenton with better people skills than the Knicks displayed throughout the Chaney fiasco.

25. Milwaukee Bucks: This guy. With the Rockets having gotten straightened out last year, and the Grizzlies making changes this year, the Bucks are a strong candidate for worst uniforms in the league. Purple and green with a non-descript deer, completely devoid of personality. Blah. Bring back the multiple shades of green and the playful little deer. No one rolls like that anymore.

26. Houston Rockets: George W. Bush. Yao needs to learn to mercilessly attack and humiliate opponents, just because he can. George can help with this. And being a local product, he'll also help to sell tickets.

27. Memphis Grizzlies: A few West Virginia University football fans. Perhaps a bit of a reach at this point in the draft, but the with the Grizzlies slick new uniforms, it's time to erase all traces of the disgusting black/red/teal era. That's right... it's bonfire time. When WVU beat Virginia Tech last year, 67 fires were set in Morgantown. 67. Those fellas can do some burning.

28. Dallas Mavericks: Barry Switzer. It's no secret, the Mavs need defense. Not that I think Switzer can coach it, but he does bring certain other things to the table. And to airports. That's right... the Mavs need guns. They've tried to tighten things up, but it's not working. At a certain point, you just have to accept who you are. The solution is simple. If the Mavs want to make it more difficult for the opposition to score, they're going to have to start packing heat.

29. Minnesota Timberwolves: E.T. Because Sam Cassell seems to miss his brother sometimes.

30. Detroit Pistons: Chester Brewer. Perhaps better known as Chicago mascot, "Da Bull," Chester also sold a little herb out of the trunk of his car. Perhaps it would help keep Rasheed around.

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The mailbag is soon to make its comeback, too. Please feel free... If you've got a question, comment, problem, tirade, hate mail, or love note, send it along here.

M.J. Darnell runs www.themightymjd.com.