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NBA Basketball News, Rumors, NBA Satire: Bulls expanding coaching searchs, Interviews
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NBA Satire: Bulls expanding coaching search

 
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Grizzlies sign Jaren Jackson Jr. to contract extension
Rockets add Garrison Mathews, waive Anthony Lamb
Spurs exercise contract options on Keldon Johnson and Devin Vassell
Hornets waive Wes Iwundu
Lakers sign Jay Huff to two-way contract
Celtics sign Brodric Thomas to two-way contract
Raptors waive forward Ishmail Wainright
Memphis Grizzlies waive Kris Dunn, David Stockton and Matthew Hurt
OKC Thunder waive Mamadi Diakite, Justin Jaworski and Oliver Sarr
Trail Blazers waive Patrick Patterson, Marquese Chriss and Quinn Cook
Timberwolves waive forward Vince Edwards
Orlando Magic waive Admiral Schofield, B.J. Johnson, Jeff Dowtin and Hassani Gravett
Utah Jazz waive forward Nino Johnson
Mavericks waive Justin Jackson and EJ Onu
Sacramento Kings exercise contract option on Tyrese Haliburton
Dallas Mavericks sign Justin Jackson and E.J. Onu
Dallas Mavericks waive Carlik Jones, Feron Hunt and Tyrell Terry
Miami Heat waive DJ Stewart, Javonte Smart, Micah Potter and Dru Smith
Rockets sign Daishen Nix, waive Marcus Foster
Atlanta Hawks exercise contract options on De’Andre Hunter, Cam Reddish and Onyeka Okongwu
Timberwolves waive Brian Bowen II, Chris Silva, Matt Lewis and Isaiah Miller
Grizzlies sign David Stockton, waive Ahmad Caver
Kings waive forward Emanuel Terry
Timberwolves sign forward Vince Edwards
Lakers waive Joel Ayayi, Chaundee Brown Jr., Cameron Oliver and Trevelin Queen
Pelicans waive John Petty Jr.
Utah Jazz sign forward Nino Johnson
Utah Jazz waive Derrick Alston Jr., Marques Bolden and MaCio Teague
Charlotte Hornets waive Jalen Crutcher and Cameron McGriff
Rockets sign Armoni Brooks and Marcus Foster, waive Tyler Bey
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| June 6, 2008

NBA Satire: Bulls expanding coaching searchNote: Inside Hoops is a professional news outlet, but the following article is satire from a fan. It's a light-hearted joke, inspired by The Onion. Enjoy.

Chicago Bulls general manager John Paxson has declared that the team's head coaching search will be expanded to a worldwide search and conducted in the same format as famous television show 'American Idol.'

"We've now interviewed over 45,000 candidates to see who will make the next Bulls coach," said Paxson. "And I realize it's not nearly enough. We've only scratched the surface of possibilities."

Shaking nervously, Paxson has declared that the Bulls will hire an additional 7,500 employees who will comb the globe, interviewing anyone with professional basketball coaching experience.

The team plans to interview anyone who has played basketball, seen it on TV, or been friends with anyone who once wore a Bulls t-shirt.

Additionally, anyone on the planet who has heard of Michael Jordan will also be considered.

"I saw a chubby kid, maybe around 13 years old, wearing a retro Pippen jersey the other day," a twitching Paxson said while dressed head to toe in knock-off Jordan gear. "Now, who am I to say that he doesn't deserve a chance?""

Bulls guard Kirk Hinrich feels Paxson is possibly going overboard. "Jim came to me the other day and asked to interview all of my relatives for the job," said Hinrich. "He then went on and interviewed some of my older, extended family. Grandma Beatrice is 85 years old and doesn't even understand the concept of sports competition. About 7 minutes into the interview, when she started singing old Broadway showtunes instead of answering questions, you'd think it would have been obvious that she'd probably at best be suited to be an assistant coach, yet Paxson pushed on, testing her for leadership ability. She just wanted her bran muffin and eventually started crying."

"I'm having Hinrich's grandma in for a second interview, " said Paxson.

The coaching search's initial two rounds are expected to be concluded before the start of the 2012-13 NBA season.


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