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InsideHoops.com compiled random gifts, suggestions or advice for each team. Some serious stuff, some nonsense. There's no real game plan here. Just read and enjoy.

ATLANTIC DIVISION

Boston Celtics - Danny Ainge trading Paul Pierce this summer for Shawn Bradley, to form a twin towers with Raef LaFrentz.

Miami Heat - Stan Van Gundy fashion show, for the fans to enjoy.

New Jersey Nets - The return of Chris Morris and Joe Barry Carroll.

New York Knicks - Rehiring of Scott Layden so he can sign Herb Williams to a six-year, $35 million contract. Also, he can trade Stephon Marbury for a handful of nice role players to back-up Shandon Anderson and Kurt Thomas.

Orlando Magic - Special-edition videos so Magic fans can always remember the great 2003-04 season.

Philadelphia 76ers - A "How not to get injured" manual, distributed to every player on the team. Also, a new trainer.

Washington Wizards - A name change, back to the Bullets. And a time machine so they can undo all the ridiculous trades this team made in the 1990's.

CENTRAL DIVISION

Atlanta Hawks - 300 new Hawks fans, so the current 175 fans don't feel so alone.

Chicago Bulls - The return of Scott Williams, who carried Michael Joran to several championships.

Cleveland Cavaliers - A chance to redo the 2003 draft, so instead of making a mistake by drafting LeBron James they could take Boris Diaw.

Detroit Pistons - Related to the Cavs gift, but serious - a chance to take Carmelo Anthony instead of Darko Milicic. Even if they don't need him right now.

Indiana Pacers - A younger Reggie Miller. Imagine the current squad with a 1995 Miller.

Milwaukee Bucks - Bring back that Alcinder kid.

New Orleans Hornets - A surprise re-signing of Larry Johnson, who at this point really does move like a grandma.

Toronto Raptors - More fans. The Raptors only seem to have 800 billion fans. Certainly more are needed.

MIDWEST DIVISION

Dallas Mavericks - A return to the glorious 80's and 90's when the Mavs were an NBA powerhouse.

Denver Nuggets - Trade Carmelo Anthony to the Knicks and bring back Dikembe Mutombo.

Houston Rockets - Move Yao Ming to point guard, let Steve Francis play the two, with Cuttino Mobley off the bench for a lethal backcourt combination.

Memphis Grizzlies - Move the team to the northern tip of Canada, use an outdoor arena with no roof or heat.

Minnesota Timberwolves - Another illegal move for Joe Smith that costs the team years of first round draft picks. That was brilliant.

San Antonio Spurs - Hire Scott Layden as general manager so he can deal Tim Duncan to the Utah Jazz in exchange for Raul Lopez, Greg Ostertag and future considerations. Yeah, I know, I already used a Layden joke earlier, but whatever, have another.

Utah Jazz - Bring back Mark Eaton. This isn't a joke or anything. It's just fun to make occasional Mark Eaton references.

PACIFIC DIVISION

Golden State Warriors - Twenty more years of Garry St. Jean's fantastic skills controlling this team's roster. Oh my.

Los Angeles Clippers - Continued success from this storied, championship-level franchise.

Los Angeles Lakers - The return of the best 80's Laker: David Rivers.

Phoenix Suns - I miss the Charles Barkley days. Those were the days. No joke or anything.

Portland Trail Blazers - Sign JR Rider, Roy Tarpley, Jayson Williams and OJ Simpson.

Sacramento Kings - Bring back Jerry "Ice" Renolds. Did I spell his name correctly? I don't feel like looking it up. I'm pretty sure it's wrong. Anyway, bring him back.

Seattle Supersonics - I miss the days of Dale Ellis, Xavier McDaniel and Tom Chambers. Bring those three back.