Stephen Curry Comes Out as First Openly “Metal” NBA Player
Posted: June 13, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: Andrew Bogut, Davidson, Golden State Warriors, Heavy Metal, Korn, Limp Bizkit, Slayer, Stephen A Smith, Stephen Curry, Venom 5
Heavy Metal activists around the world are celebrating today, as STEPHEN CURRY came out as the first openly “Metal” basketball player. Music Rights organizations are praising Curry’s willingness to proclaim himself a disciple of a form of music and lifestyle, even though it may possibly draw the ire of his opponents and teammates alike.
Curry said that he first realized he may be metal at the age of eleven, in 1997. He chuckles now, as he remembers, “I would say I had more metal tendencies than anything else at that time…I mean, I liked KORN, LIMP BIZKIT, that sort of nu-metal, poser crap. I’ll admit that I was confused. I mean, our culture teaches us that loving hip-hop is the only acceptable answer. Dude’s always be quoting Deuteronomy. But I had mixed feelings.” Curry went on to say that the following year he heard SLAYER for the first time and knew deep inside himself who he was. “From then on, I knew being metal was me. I immersed myself into the music, devouring the back catalogues of obscure German thrash metal bands much in the same way I would a playbook.”
Curry will admit that the pressure he faced living a double life wasn’t always easy. Basketball’s hip-hop culture had no place for VENOM or SOILENT GREEN. For years Curry pretended to go along with the crowd, all the while he secretly head banged on the inside. “I had some really close calls,” admits Curry. “My first year in the league, we were playing against the Knicks and after the game, someone saw me coming out of Duff’s, an openly metal bar. I made up a quick excuse about my girlfriend working there, but I sweated it out for weeks. I had to really blast the T-PAIN for a month after that.”
But, why come out now? Curry says that as a young athlete with a lot of influence, he feels a need to be an inspiration to others who are metal around the world. He also added that “if I had to play another ****ing DRAKE song in the locker room, I was going to lose it. You’re a rich kid from Toronto! You started at the damn top!”
While most teammates and sports journalists have been accepting of Curry’s announcement, a few have expressed concern. ANDREW BOGUT, Curry’s Golden State teammate has said that it may be difficult sharing a locker room with someone who is metal. “I mean, I’m cool with it and all,” said Bogut, “but just don’t be in my face about. Don’t try and make me listen to ROB ZOMBIE or something.” ESPN chattermouth STEPHEN A. SMITH has also been critical of Curry’s announcement, saying “why can’t this young man just fall in line with the values of hip-hop? Can you imagine how his parents feel? I mean, a mother expects her son to warm up to something like “Bitches Ain’t Shit,” not some derogatory satanic music.”
Curry has remained steadfast, despite the criticism. He has already planned to mosh at the Wacken Open Air Festival this summer. He has also announced that he will wear corpse paint during all home games this year. He is confident that his announcement will break down any remaining barriers in professional sports and that one day metal heads around the world will receive universal acceptance.