Have you ever stolen anything at work?

[ZeN]

I used to work at a country club pool house when I was 18; made cheap food for rich folks. They didn't trust us with keys, so when we locked the door after close, there was no way to get that thing to open back up.

However, sometimes we'd forget to put certain things away after locking up, so my coworkers found an alternate way of gaining re-entry. We had small sliding windows (like at a Dairy Queen) and we found they could be pried open then crawled through, setting off the alarm timer (for which you then had 20 seconds to enter the correct code before it alerted authorities). I always let someone else handle that stuff because I didn't know what I was doing.

One day, the club had an after hours pool party. I showed up because I'd heard the tennis pro I had a really heavy crush on was going to be there as well. They were all playing Euchre when I arrived. I made some awkward small talk with tennis pro and eventually she kind of backhandedly requested some Starburst from the pool house. Playing it cool, I said I could hook her up. I'd watched my co-workers open that window and climb through a dozen times. No problem.

I approached the window with confidence, dug in with my fingertips and slid it to the left. It moved six inches before catching on the rails and becoming stuck. The motion sensor alarm was activated, beginning an audible countdown from 20 before meltdown. My crush, and other kids near our age, were looking on at the developing situation.

I tried to push the window open but it wasn't budging. I began to panic as the timer counted down. Around 13 seconds, I began increasing force. Still nothing. Finally, I graduated to karate chops. One chop - nothing. Second chop - nothing. Then third chop - BANG! It all came loose at once, shattering against the opposite wall.



I turned around, frozen in fear, seeing everyone's jaws agape. Then I had to refocus and climb through the counter window and still deactivate the alarm. I acquired the Starburst, but I was pretty sure I'd lost my job in the process.

I remember talking to the Pool Manager (who was not my boss, just in charge of the pool itself) and I asked him desperately, "Do you think I'm going to get fired for this?!" and I've never forgotten what he said to me next. I'd been a really mediocre worker at the time, and he said, "If you haven't been fired yet, I doubt this will do it."

My crush invited me over to her house that night. Nothing cool happened, because young Rake had even less game than he has now. I remember staying really late though, then I stopped at Meijer on my way home and smelled all the deodorant flavors at 3 in the morning, just delaying the next day as much as I could (when I thought I was going to be fired for destruction and theft). I remember the guy on the floor wax machine driving by the aisle and giving me a dead, concerned stare.

Next morning, all my co-workers told me the head chef was looking for me. Thought I was a goner. I had to search the entire club for him, shaking the whole time - numerous people saying, "Oh, he's looking for you, man".

Finally found him in his office. He wasn't wearing any pants, but he berated me anyway. Very uncomfortable experience but my family had a history with that club, and I was a nice kid even if not a hard worker, so he spared me my job, though he tried to get me to confess to stealing beer (he thought that was my motive, even though I didn't drink).

As I walked away, he stopped me by saying, "Oh, and one more thing..." I had a lifeguard friend who'd expressed interest in working in the pool kitchen. The head chef said, "You tell your friend that he's got no chance of working in the pool house. And if he steps one more foot in the kitchen, I'm going to drive down there myself, find him, turn him around, pull down his pants, and (do things to him) in the (rear)."

And that's my story on stealing from work.

TL;DR: Tried to steal a Starburst for my crush. Broke a window in the process. Thought I was a goner. Sniffed deodorant. Berated by pants-less boss who promised to make non consensual love to my friend if he stepped foot inside our kitchen again.

Damn you got time on your hands to tell tales..lol

[KNOW1EDGE]

I used to love to steal from work.

Easily thousands of dollars worth of merchandise. I would take product off the floor, return it onto a gift card and then use the gift card to buy sh1t with my discount.

I also would steal defective watches and pay a friend to return them for me and give me the gift card.

I worked for one of the biggest retailers in the world, very surprised I never got caught, but I was so bitter that I didn't give a fuhck if I lost my job.

Haven't stolen in years though, I believe in karma.

[KyleKong]

This 19 year old's virginity.

[bigkingsfan]

My Size Elsa Doll.

[CeltsGarlic]

I used to steal beer n wine when working in US. It started all innocent as I was giving it to our cook, a mexican fella, so he would make me something nice.

Buut one thing led to another, and we started drinking more and more and it was a vegan place, with managers like you would imagine at vegan place. Somewhat crazy wife with tattoos and kinda hot, and dude owner, bald with beard and crazy attitude.

Got caught, got fired, made enemies. Dont steal.

[Rake2204]

Damn you got time on your hands to tell tales..lol

I don't choose storytime. Storytime chooses me.

[ArbitraryWater]

I used to work at a country club pool house when I was 18; made cheap food for rich folks. They didn't trust us with keys, so when we locked the door after close, there was no way to get that thing to open back up.

However, sometimes we'd forget to put certain things away after locking up, so my coworkers found an alternate way of gaining re-entry. We had small sliding windows (like at a Dairy Queen) and we found they could be pried open then crawled through, setting off the alarm timer (for which you then had 20 seconds to enter the correct code before it alerted authorities). I always let someone else handle that stuff because I didn't know what I was doing.

One day, the club had an after hours pool party. I showed up because I'd heard the tennis pro I had a really heavy crush on was going to be there as well. They were all playing Euchre when I arrived. I made some awkward small talk with tennis pro and eventually she kind of backhandedly requested some Starburst from the pool house. Playing it cool, I said I could hook her up. I'd watched my co-workers open that window and climb through a dozen times. No problem.

I approached the window with confidence, dug in with my fingertips and slid it to the left. It moved six inches before catching on the rails and becoming stuck. The motion sensor alarm was activated, beginning an audible countdown from 20 before meltdown. My crush, and other kids near our age, were looking on at the developing situation.

I tried to push the window open but it wasn't budging. I began to panic as the timer counted down. Around 13 seconds, I began increasing force. Still nothing. Finally, I graduated to karate chops. One chop - nothing. Second chop - nothing. Then third chop - BANG! It all came loose at once, shattering against the opposite wall.



I turned around, frozen in fear, seeing everyone's jaws agape. Then I had to refocus and climb through the counter window and still deactivate the alarm. I acquired the Starburst, but I was pretty sure I'd lost my job in the process.

I remember talking to the Pool Manager (who was not my boss, just in charge of the pool itself) and I asked him desperately, "Do you think I'm going to get fired for this?!" and I've never forgotten what he said to me next. I'd been a really mediocre worker at the time, and he said, "If you haven't been fired yet, I doubt this will do it."

My crush invited me over to her house that night. Nothing cool happened, because young Rake had even less game than he has now. I remember staying really late though, then I stopped at Meijer on my way home and smelled all the deodorant flavors at 3 in the morning, just delaying the next day as much as I could (when I thought I was going to be fired for destruction and theft). I remember the guy on the floor wax machine driving by the aisle and giving me a dead, concerned stare.

Next morning, all my co-workers told me the head chef was looking for me. Thought I was a goner. I had to search the entire club for him, shaking the whole time - numerous people saying, "Oh, he's looking for you, man".

Finally found him in his office. He wasn't wearing any pants, but he berated me anyway. Very uncomfortable experience but my family had a history with that club, and I was a nice kid even if not a hard worker, so he spared me my job, though he tried to get me to confess to stealing beer (he thought that was my motive, even though I didn't drink).

As I walked away, he stopped me by saying, "Oh, and one more thing..." I had a lifeguard friend who'd expressed interest in working in the pool kitchen. The head chef said, "You tell your friend that he's got no chance of working in the pool house. And if he steps one more foot in the kitchen, I'm going to drive down there myself, find him, turn him around, pull down his pants, and (do things to him) in the (rear)."

And that's my story on stealing from work.

TL;DR: Tried to steal a Starburst for my crush. Broke a window in the process. Thought I was a goner. Sniffed deodorant. Berated by pants-less boss who promised to make non consensual love to my friend if he stepped foot inside our kitchen again.

[iTare]

ive made about 12k this year alone from stealing.

[Prometheus]

I've stolen so much from the places at which I've worked that it's not even worth getting into.

What I find funnier is just how much shit I've stolen from Wal Mart over the years. If I had to guess, I'd say I've worked them over for at least ten thousand dollars worth of shit. Clothes/food ALL the time, electric razors, games, frisbees, just random shit.

One of my friends (we'll call him 'Green') and I got so good at stealing from Wal Mart, and with such efficiency, that we started to really enjoy it. On more boring days, we would get high and just go steal shit even when we didn't want anything. Just a ton of munchies to bring to whoever's house we were going to be partying at that night.

Green was the mastermind behind these operations, I'll admit. He taught me everything I know. One night he got a wild idea - to bag up an entire cart full of shit and just walk out with it. We figured out that there was a spot in the middle of men's clothes that was blind to cameras - so we parked up there and bagged everything up. Just picked the aisle of a closed register, walked right on by and out the door like it was nothing. We got SO much food and each a whole new wardrobe in one shot. For free.

I fancy me some StarCraft (loved the game growing up, still do), and was very excited when I found out SCII was coming out a few years ago. I went out and bought a copy, played it, and didn't care for it. So I sold it to my friend Matt for the same price I bought it. Then I realized I still had the receipt... So I went back to Wal Mart with my receipt, casually walked over to electronics, picked a new copy of SCII off the shelf, caaaaaaaaaasually walked straight to customer service... and returned them their own game. If they ever realized that it didn't match with the one on the receipt, all they would have to try and trace the culprit was the return slip, which I signed "Bruce Wayne".