Muslims and the 72 virgins

[SupermanOnSteroids]

so the muslims have been floating around this idea "sacrifice your life for the religion and you'll get 72 virgins in heaven" and i'd like to refute that. why would anyone want that?

i would assume that the people reading this post are guys, guys who have had some experience with relationships with girls. IMO sluts are great, you hook up, you bang, you're done, they don't care if you call them the next day. I got mine, she got her's, its over. We both move along.

But virgins? Virgins are a whole another thing. You gotta wine them, you gotta dine them, you gotta get a fu cking promise ring to entice them. You gotta jump through all sorts of hoops to get down with em. You remember high school. Even kissing took a while. Romancing is ESSENTIAL to banging a VIRGIN.

And so now that you've done it. Now you've banged a virgin. Now guess what happens. Endless phone calls. Public appearances. Validation. Basically have to publish a poster that you and her are one and no one else can get in between and post that poster all over the world. If you don't do that, emotional torture.

She's mad. She's calling past bed time. You were just in the bathroom taking a sh it for 15 minutes and there are a 100 missed calls. She thinks now that you've had her, you're ignoring her. She thinks you just banged her to brag about it to your friends. And not just that, she has a 100 different ways of throwing guilt trips on you. You're the most despicable human being on the planet just because you took a 15 minute sh it and couldn't answer the phone. And you're gonna hear about it for hours upon hours with tears in her eyes.

What guy wants that?

Why would subject yourself to that?

Now imagine that times 72.

Don't get me wrong. fu cking a virgin is great. But 72? I can run through them in less than a month.

And then what...

72 clingy females?

Fu ck Muslim heaven! Great for a month, but hell after that.

Rather be an american infadel.

[fiddy]

virgin=pure, and no you dont have to take care of them in heaven or in the muslim world, if shes your wife she does whatever the fvck you tell her. And not they dont get virgins if they get killed by a woman, thats why they are scared AF of women fighters.

[russwest0]

Well do you have to try to f*ck all 72 or do you just get to pick one?

Because picking the sexiest of 72 virgins to f*ck sounds epic.

[tomtucker]

but dude, if you are muslim, you don

[SupermanOnSteroids]

i don't think it says any where in thw Quran that you don't have to take care of them. It just says you get 72 virgins. And for anyone with any sort of experience with banging virgins, you can do it once, you can do it twice, but after that, you're into sluts.

[fiddy]

i don't think it says any where in thw Quran that you don't have to take care of them. It just says you get 72 virgins. And for anyone with any sort of experience with banging virgins, you can do it once, you can do it twice, but after that, you're into sluts.

But they are YOUR sluts not community sluts full of STDs.

[tomtucker]

But they are YOUR sluts not community sluts full of STDs.

right, but who cares, if you are in muslim heaven you are full of them yourselfes

[SupermanOnSteroids]

But they are YOUR sluts not community sluts full of STDs.

they are not sluts, they are VIRGINS! X72 of them!

Am I assuming too much in assuming that the virgins would take their virgin brains into heaven with their virgin pu ssies?

[SupermanOnSteroids]

I mean the 72 virgins are waiting there for you when you arrive there in muslim heaven. but when you get there, the virgins start fighting each other like the contestants on the show the bachelor. fu ck me first, no fu ck me!!!

so you get there to the muslim heaven and you have 72 virgins sitting there waiting for you. you HAVE to pick one to fu ck first. just by doing that you break 71 hearts (i hope you know how virgins work). who are you going to give the final rose to?

so you break 71 hearts and you're in the heaven bedroom banging the first and the hottest virgin. what do you think the rest of the 71 virgins are conspiring about in the mean time. women and men both know its not about who the taliban fu cks next.

[fiddy]

I mean the 72 virgins are waiting there for you when you arrive there in muslim heaven. but when you get there, the virgins start fighting each other like the contestants on the show the bachelor. fu ck me first, no fu ck me!!!

so you get there to the muslim heaven and you have 72 virgins sitting there waiting for you. you HAVE to pick one to fu ck first. just by doing that you break 71 hearts (i hope you know how virgins work). who are you going to give the final rose to?

so you break 71 hearts and you're in the heaven bedroom banging the first and the hottest virgin. what do you think the rest of the 71 virgins are conspiring about in the mean time. women and men both know its not about who the taliban fu cks next.

bitch slap dem hoes if they fight, nah mean? Its none of their business who do you fvck first, they are there to serve you. So they have to sit on their asses, do whatever the fvck you please and wait their turn.

[Draz]

we have 72 virgins here

[GimmeThat]

so living your life for the religion is a sausage fest

and life after sacrifice is one full of sex dolls.


because how do you even maintain that 1:72 ratio?

[fiddy]

we have 72 virgins here

jameer counts for three

[SupermanOnSteroids]

we have 72 virgins here

i know we have a lot more than that but i was talking about women. (we have none)

[Patrick Chewing]

OP, which comedian did you rip off here??