Lebron James vs Chimpanzee

[Chicago Brawls]

The chimp would win by opponent's choke in the 4th round.

[elementally morale]

[elementally morale]

You will find some nice answers here.

http://ask.metafilter.com/146862/Cou...imp-in-a-fight

[Living Being]

I bet there are a few rare men on earth who can beat a chimp. Same berserker mode and disregard for their body parts being mauled off combined with a killer mentality and demon strength. I do have a hard time imagining how the man would damage the vital parts of a chimp, though. The eyes and neck are well-protected.

But SERIOUSLY, WHO WOULD WANT TO FIGHT A REAL LIFE GARGOYLE?!!!

[elementally morale]

Their skulls are small. Their skullls are a lot harder than ours. They are a lot quicker. You will have trouble landing your punch.

They are a lot stronger. Faster. Their grip is insane. Their fingers are extremely strong. Their arms are long, your usual ju jitsu techniques are not working. Plus they have teeth.

Your best chance is if you intimidate the chimp and it runs away. But in a cage? You can forget about it. Once the chimp gets angry it's game over in a few seconds. Very few.

[tikay0]

Funny how a video that completely discredits your entire argument is now "outplayed".. Oh and the fact that a dumbass street pimp walks in with his hands down only proves my point. He's not experienced in hand to hand combat.. the better trained fighter (instructional tape/belt awarded guy) is equipped to take advantage of his adversaries' shortcomings/lack of knowledge and training.

Kimbo Slice might've been able to win.. I would give him a puncher's chance, but he's also a "exception and not the rule" brawler.. he became a cartoon character when he tried to enter the MMA. That pink haired nobody who (in your words) "would beat the breaks off that guy", took the fight at the last notice (other guy got hurt) and pink haired nobody was severely undersized. In the fighting game that fight was supposed to be a give me to Slice, as his name was marketable. (anybody who has ever been in the fight game knows this) The fighter Kimbo was supposed to face probably wasn't even hurt. They tried to stick a bum in front of him to beat on, to build up his record/hype.. in a fight that was broadcasted for free on CBS and the undersized pink haired bum beat the living shit out of Kimbo on national television, basically putting him in retirement.

That video is a perfect example of an "outplayed" example. That karate instructor with the nifty back hand would get beaten by a street dude that knows how to fight, and wasn't dumb enough to walk up to him, with his hands down. No, the pimp walking up to him doesn't prove a point of him not having experience. It proves that, that pimp is a moron that was probably drunk.

Discrediting Kimbo's win in MMA proves nothing. He would utterly beat the crap out of the the martial arts instructor, and the man with the instructional tapes. So would Seth Petruzelli. I'm well aware that Seth was a last replacement for Ken Shamrock. He's still a trained FIGHTER. Not a trained martial artist. Big difference when you have actual experience in the cage, and not a dojo.



You fail on many levels kid. I was replying to the guy that said, "NO street dude would be able to take on a trained martial artist."

Well, guess what. Kimbo Slice used to be a "street dude", and I'm sure he'd beat most trained martial arts instructors. It's called an example.

I also posted a video of a "street dude" handling a martial arts expert like he was nothing. Calm down karate kid.

[elementally morale]

Big difference when you have actual experience in the cage, and not a dojo.

That's true. However, another big step if you have experience in a war situation. The guy I posted earlier, Roy Elghanayan does have that. He is easily better than these guys for example:

Tommy Blom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCz4joqNcgI

Marcus Kowal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCz4joqNcgI

In fact, Roy Elghanayan was the instructor of these guys for some of the time and he is easily better than them. I know because I met both him and Tommy Blom.

And some (actually a lot) of their techniques are still way too rude to be used in a fight not designed to kill the opponent.

[tikay0]

That's true. However, another big step if you have experience in a war situation. The guy I posted earlier, Roy Elghanayan does have that. He is easily better than these guys for example:

Tommy Blom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCz4joqNcgI

Marcus Kowal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCz4joqNcgI

In fact, Roy Elghanayan was the instructor of these guys for some of the time and he is easily better than them. I know because I met both him and Tommy Blom.

And some (actually a lot) of their techniques are still way too rude to be used in a fight not designed to kill the opponent.

Nothing about that video showed any Krav Maga. He's a trained MMA FIGHTER. Original base of Krav Maga. You showed me a video of a KRAV MAGA trained fighter, using MMA style fighting.

That's like me showing you a TKD fighter, going into the UFC, and knocking guys out like a pro boxer.

Of course he's better than Kimbo. Anyone with any sort of TD offense is better than Kimbo. Hell, anyone with above average cardio is better than Kimbo.

[elementally morale]

Nothing about that video showed any Krav Maga. He's a trained MMA FIGHTER. Original base of Krav Maga. You showed me a video of a KRAV MAGA trained fighter, using MMA style fighting.

That's like me showing you a TKD fighter, going into the UFC, and knocking guys out like a pro boxer.

Of course he's better than Kimbo. Anyone with any sort of TD offense is better than Kimbo. Hell, anyone with above average cardio is better than Kimbo.

Krav is not to be used on civilians unless it's a life and death situation. But let's stick to the original point. These guys (Elghanayan, Kowal, Blom) don't have the slightest chance against a chimp. Nothing, zero, nada.

And a LeBron, Wade and Bosh combo cannot possibly win against these guys in a fight. Trust me, zero chance. We do such things at practice all the time. Multiple and armed opponents who are actually somewhat trained. There is absolutely no chance 3 civilians can hurt these guys, however huge they may be. And LeBron, Wade and Bosh are experts in basketballl but complete civilians when it comes to fighting.

A combo of Tim Thomas and Ron Artest... that's a better contest. But against an angry chimp?

[tikay0]

Krav is not to be used on civilians unless it's a life and death situation. But let's stick to the original point. These guys (Elghanayan, Kowal, Blom) don't have the slightest chance against a chimp. Nothing, zero, nada.

And a LeBron, Wade and Bosh combo cannot possibly win against these guys in a fight. Trust me, zero chance. We do such things at practice all the time. Multiple and armed opponents who are actually somewhat trained. There is absolutely no chance 3 civilians can hurt these guys, however huge they may be. And LeBron, Wade and Bosh are experts in basketballl but complete civilians when it comes to fighting.

A combo of Tim Thomas and Ron Artest... that's a better contest. But against an angry chimp?

Ok. How about a combination of Karl Malone, Shaq, Ben Wallace, Dennis Rodman, David Robinson. You can pick 3 of these guys to take on a chimp.

[eurobum]

Will Joey Crawford be refereeing the cage fight?

[elementally morale]

Ok. How about a combination of Karl Malone, Shaq, Ben Wallace, Dennis Rodman, David Robinson. You can pick 3 of these guys to take on a chimp.

Shaq is out, he is not a brave guy. Rodman is in, he is insane. Ben Wallace is in, he trusts himself. Robinson is out, he is way too intelligent to understand he has no chance. Malone is in, I don't like him at all, so I throw him in just for fun.

So we have an angry chimp, Malone, Rodman and Wallace. The fight starts. 20 seconds gone. We have an angry chimp, a dead body (preferably Malone) and two seriously injured guys. The National Guard intervenes and shoots the chimp with a shotgun.

Look... wild animals are wild animals. You do not win against them in a fight. It's like you wanted to defeat a shark, and if you can't you would insist Michael Phelps can. No, he cannot. A shark is a shark for a reason.

[tikay0]

Shaq is out, he is not a brave guy. Rodman is in, he is insane. Ben Wallace is in, he trusts himself. Robinson is out, he is way too intelligent to understand he has no chance. Malone is in, I don't like him at all, so I throw him in just for fun.

So we have an angry chimp, Malone, Rodman and Wallace. The fight starts. 20 seconds gone. We have an angry chimp, a dead body (preferably Malone) and two seriously injured guys. The National Guard intervenes and shoots the chimp with a shotgun.

Look... wild animals are wild animals. You do not win against them in a fight. It's like you wanted to defeat a shark, and if you can't you would insist Michael Phelps can. No, he cannot. A shark is a shark for a reason.

This is how a chimp fights. I'm sorry, I don't see anybody dying in 20 seconds. They might get patty caked to death.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl9jaCoPg2E

[elementally morale]

This is how a chimp fights. I'm sorry, I don't see anybody dying in 20 seconds. They might get patty caked to death.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl9jaCoPg2E

Neither of us knows how an angry chimp fights when it's a life and death situation to him/her. However, I saw what a chimp does to people and it's not nice. A chimp is a lot stronger than a human. Quicker, faster with much longer arms and a hard to hurt body. And there are its teeth. A chimp's grip must be insane, just watch a hairless chimp closely and imagine what it does with its hands all day long.

Your best chance to fight such an animal is if you can be intimidating enough and it runs away. In a cage it won't run anywhere but kill you.

[tikay0]

Neither of us knows how an angry chimp fights when it's a life and death situation to him/her. However, I saw what a chimp does to people and it's not nice. A chimp is a lot stronger than a human. Quicker, faster with much longer arms and a hard to hurt body. And there are its teeth. A chimp's grip must be insane, just watch a hairless chimp closely and imagine what it does with its hands all day long.

Your best chance to fight such an animal is if you can be intimidating enough and it runs away. In a cage it won't run anywhere but kill you.

Exactly. So why assume that a chimp turns into Fedor in his prime. For all we know it will just grab onto one of the players, while the other 2 start beating on it. The guy that's getting grabbed would also be in there with the intent of killing it. I'm sure he'd be poking eyes, and punching back as well.

Yes, there have been incidents of chimps attacking humans, and maiming them, but that's your average human being without the intent of taking on a chimp, and killing it. Not to mention one was an old lady that was feeding it pills.