Sheridan: 30 Teams in 30 Sentences

[Legends66NBA7]

http://www.sheridanhoops.com/2014/07...2w6ICLPoVQk.99

Evelyn Wood can read this column in less than 30 seconds. You don’t have to. One sentence can sum up the offseason thus far for all 30 teams as July comes to an end. I will be a man of few words. We’ll do it alphabetically.

ATLANTA HAWKS - They added Thabo Selolosha and Kent Bazemore, and GM Danny Ferry is sitting on $8 million plus of cap space for reasons yet unknown.

BOSTON CELTICS - As Peter May explains in this column, fireworks were expected because Wyc Grousbeck used the word “fireworks,”*which is a bad way to announce the arrival of Avery Bradley as a franchise cornerstone while everyone loses hope of acquiring*Fenway Park favorite Kevin Love.

BROOKLYN NETS - Summer No. 1 of remorse over trading three No.1 picks and the right to swap a fourth for Kevin Garnett (retiring, or what?) and Paul Pierce, who now plays for the Wizards — although Bogan Bogdanovic believes this will not be a problem.

CHARLOTTE HORNETS - “We used to be called the Bobcats, and we used to not have Lance Stephenson.”

CHICAGO BULLS - So happy with the addition of Nikola Mirotic, but will give up him, Taj Gibson and Doug McDermott for Kevin Love.

CLEVELAND CAVALIERS - “We got LeBron, only 50 years after Jim Brown led our city to our last championship — but of course there is no pressure on LeBron” (even though there really is like never before, despite him*setting expectations low*in the anti-Decision).

DALLAS MAVERICKS - A sneaky good*50-1 title pick*after adding Chandler Parsons, Al-Farouq Aminu, Tyson Chandler and Jameer Nelson while re-signing Dirk,*who is prifiled nicely in this column by Chris Bernucca.

DENVER NUGGETS - “There is nothing we can do to truly compete in this conference, and we know it, which is why we’ve done nothing about it.”

DETROIT PISTONS - New president is named Stan Van Gundy, and they will name a car after him in the Motor City before it’s all said and done — if Greg Monroe takes his offer and does not become a Sam Hinkie pawn.

GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS - Aren’t getting Kevin Love unless they give up Klay Thompson.

HOUSTON ROCKETS - Biggest losers of the offseason and redesigners of the word disaster after losing Chandler Parsons, Jeremy Lin and Omer Asik for the faint, false hope of getting Chris Bosh and the consolation prizes of Trevor Ariza and Jeff Adrien.

INDIANA PACERS - Rodney Stuckey replaces Lance Stephenson, and*how are we supposed to believe that is going to go well ?

LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS - Donald Sterling is the King Of Litigiousness, so maybe this ain’t over.

LOS ANGELES LAKERS - Remember when they were relevant rather than shunned ?

MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES - If he still worked at ESPN, John Hollinger would put a 90 percent probability on the chances of Marc Gasol being a member of the New York Knicks 12 months from now.

MIAMI HEAT - Pat Riley knew he was a dead man when he walked into that meeting in Vegas with LeBron.

MILWAUKEE BUCKS - In one summer, they have added*Mallory Edens, Jabari Parker and Jason Kidd.

MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES - Ricky Rubio is going to want to stay here for what reason exactly ?

NEW ORLEANS PELICANS - Used to be the Hornets and used to play in Oklahoma City and used to have Chris Paul, confusing casual fans.

NEW YORK KNICKS - Somehow ended up with Jose Calderon, Cleanthony Early and, oh yeah, that ‘Melo guy to lead Phil Jackson’s late life front office Self-Renaissance.

OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER - Get ready, and/or brace yourself: The dominant rumor angle for the next two years is that Kevin Durant will leave for the Washington Wizards as a free agent in 2016.ORLANDO MAGICThere is nothing to say.

PHILADELPHIA 76ERS - Don’t mind them, they are just tanking with the reigning Rookie of the Year and Nerlens Noel on the floor, Joel Embiid in the bank, and $35 million in cap room to play with for the rest of the summer and fall and winter.

PHOENIX SUNS - Have managed to piss off Eric Bledson, arguably the best free agent point guard (albeit restricted) on the summer 2014 market, while also adding point guards Isaiah Thomas and Tyler Ennis alongside core guy Goran Dragic, leading to the dilemma: How many question marks are appropriate ???

PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS - Got Chris Kaman.

SACRAMENTO KINGS - Stayed out of luxury tax by downgrading Isaiah Thomas to Darren Collison.

SAN ANTONIO SPURS - Bringing back exact same defending champs roster with the addition of UCLA rookie Kyle Anderson, they are*currently listed as 9/2 second choice in Vegas behind Cavs (4/1).

TORONTO RAPTORS - Are you like me and will never quite get over the humorous absurdity of Masai Ujiri yelling “F[COLOR="Black"]u[/COLOR]ck Brooklyn” last April ?

UTAH JAZZ - When exactly can we question the wisdom of letting Al Jefferson and Paul Millsap leave exactly one year before matching a max offer to Gordon Hayward while the Derrick Favors extension gets ready to kick in ?

WASHINGTON WIZARDS - If Paul Pierce and Kris Humphries lead the Wizards to the No. 1 seed (fourth choice in Vegas to win East, 15/1), how bad do Billy King and Danny Ainge and Kim Kardashian look ?

[TheMarkMadsen]

Those are some very lengthy sentences

[MP.Trey]

Those are some very lengthy sentences

Got Chris Kaman.

[Meticode]

He throws around those Vegas odds way too much.

[noob cake]

He throws around those Vegas odds way too much.

I mean seriously, who would believe that Rockets would be the 6th best team according to professional bookies when half the internet think that they won't even make the playoffs.

[NuggetsFan]

[QUOTE]DENVER NUGGETS -

[Legends66NBA7]

Denver has actually been pretty active. Picked up AA, made a trade at the draft to pick up an extra first rounder, have had our name thrown around as one of the teams after K.Love early on.

I would have went for something along the lines of "Never going to win a championship, refuse to suck so continue to stock pile average/above average players"

"We treadmilling".

[Lebronxrings]

Cavs - lebron time
Spurs - Adam Silver
okc - championship or bust
clippers - chokers

[hawkfan]

Hawks have 8 million in cap space.
Someone send us a good player.

[UK2K]

I mean seriously, who would believe that Rockets would be the 6th best team according to professional bookies when half the internet think that they won't even make the playoffs.

ISH is full of ex coaches and GMs

[niko]

"We treadmilling".

Sounds like a bad Young Money song. WE TREADMILLING>>>>>>WE TREADMILLING....