The Internet offers new opportunities for stalking, hence the term cyber stalking. The cyberstalker can, from the safety of his or her home, or the anonymity of an office environment, trace, track and find out personal details of the target, including address, phone number, and more sinisterly, addresses and details of the target's family. The Internet also offers unlimited opportunity to befriend lonely, vulnerable and nice people who can be persuaded to start a relationship. Most people do not recognise the symptoms of stalking and the techniques a stalker employs to target them.
Internet stalker profile (and any stalker, especially a male)
If you've been wooed by a cyberstalker, this profile will bring you back to reality:
lives in a 1-room apartment which hasn't been cleaned for months - if ever
has stacks of pornographic magazines in his bedroom area
has poor personal hygiene
has poor table manners
has poor social etiquette
hasn't changed the sheets on his bed for months, which are now best described as crusty
has a bathroom, the state of which doesn't bear thinking about
lives on pizza and beer/coke, the remnants of which litter his apartment
may have an unusual pet (eg ferret) which has free run of the apartment
is either significantly over- or under-weight
has a small moustache or other facial hair
has not held down any job for more than a couple of years, probably less
has no friends
has no life outside the Internet
The Internet stalker probably has other unpleasant characteristics that sexual harassers possess, and the usual sexual inadequacy including lack of intimacy, controlling behaviour, no concept of the partner's needs, premature ejaculation, and an abnormal belief bordering on obsession in his smallness.
If you've been the target of cyberstalking you'll find my page on cyberbullying interesting.
Stalker types
Intimate partner: this stalker, the most common type, is a partner or more usually an ex-partner who can't and wont accept that a relationship has come to an end. They can't let go.
Vengeful stalker: this is the most dangerous type whose mission is to get even and/or take revenge. Mostly male, he has a grudge and he's going to do something about it. The vengeful stalker may never have met his victim, who may be a politician, council official, boss, organisation, etc.
Delusional stalker: this one has a history of mental illness which may include schizophrenia or manic depression. The schizophrenic stalker may have stopped taking his or her medication and now lives in a fantasy world composed of part reality and part delusion which he or she is unable to differentiate. If they're not careful, targets of the delusional stalker are likely to be sucked in to this fantasy world and start to have doubts about their own sanity, especially if the stalker is intelligent, and intermittently and seamlessly lucid and "normal".
Erotomaniac: this stalker is also delusional and mentally ill and believes he or she is in love with you and will have created an entire relationship in their head.
Variations
Harasser stalker: some stalker types like to be the centre of attention and may have an attention-seeking personality disorder; they may not be stalkers in the strict sense of the word but repeatedly pester anyone (especially anyone who is kind, vulnerable or inexperienced) who might be persuaded to pay them attention. If they exhibit symptoms of Munchausen Syndrome they may select a victim who they stalk by fabricating claims of harassment by this person against themselves. Click here for more on attention-seeker personality types.
Cyberstalkers and love rats: again, these may not be stalkers in the strict sense of the word but they have many similar characteristics. Cyber stalkers and love rats surf the web with the intention of starting relationships and may have several simultaneous relationships. The targets of a cyber stalker may know little about the person they are talking to (other than what they've convincingly been fed) and be unaware of a trail of other targets past and present. [BBC News Online item]
Troll. The Troll's purpose is to be given more credibility than (s)he deserves, and to suck people into useless, pointless, never-ending, emotionally-draining, ranting discussions full of verbal loops and "word labyrinths", playing people against each other, hurting their feelings, and wasting their time and emotional energy. [More on Trolls]
It's common for stalkers to exhibit characteristics of more than one of these stalking types.
Warning signs
These are the signs to be alert to:
expects you to spend all of your time with him/her or inform him/her of your whereabouts
refuses to accept "no" for an answer
isolates you from your friends and/or family
puts you down in front of your family or friends
sends frequent unsolicited or unwelcome gifts
makes offers of unsolicited help
excessive niceness in the early stages
use of guilt to manipulate your feelings or to force you into courses of action you feel unhappy with
extreme jealousy
frequent loss of temper
abuse of alcohol and/or drugs
following you wherever you go
threats
physical or verbal abuse
damage or destruction to your property
talks about violence or is fascinated with themes of violence
makes your family or friends feel scared or uneasy