Bill Simmons on how to fix the Lakers

[jzek]

Trade Steve Nash to Toronto.

Admittedly, Nash doesn't have much market value right now. He's 39 years old, his body is breaking down in a variety of ways, he seemed a step and a half slow last season, he's a turnstile defensively, and he's making $9.3 million in 2014 and $9.7 million in 2015. Other than that, he's pretty enticing. But you know where he's still a hero? CANADA! What would be better than Nash finishing his career on Canada's only NBA team?

Now here's where you say, Wait a second, the Raptors just hired Masai Ujiri from Denver. That dude is a shrewd mf'er — he'd never trade for Nash. Au contraire! Thanks to Rudy Gay's onerously onerous deal, DeMar DeRozan's extension, the cap-clogging quartet of Landry Fields, Marcus Camby, Tyler Hansbrough and Steve Novak (nearly $20 million combined in 2014-15) and a few other commitments, Toronto can't become a free-agent player until the summer of 2015 ... right as Nash's deal is expiring. So why not bring him aboard as their feel-good Canadian basketball ambassador?

Do you realize trading for Nash would immediately become one of Canada's five greatest NBA moments ever? Since Toronto and Vancouver were added as expansion teams in 1995, here's that list right now:

Highlight No. 1: Vince Carter wins the 2000 Slam Dunk Contest.

Highlight No. 2: The Raptors come within a missed Vince jumper of advancing to the 2001 Eastern finals.

Highlight No. 3: Kobe scores 81 points against the Raptors. Hey, at least they were part of history.

Highlight No. 4: The Grizzlies move to Memphis (so Vancouver doesn't have to watch them anymore).

Highlight No. 5: Actually, we're done. You want to know what the greatest running Canadian NBA moment is? Every time Vince comes back to Toronto, they boo him lustily for four quarters. It's the only real Canadian basketball tradition they have. I'd say they need to rent a basketball ambassador. Call me crazy.

Anyway, here's my offer: Nash for Linas Kleiza's expiring contract and Aaron Gray's expiring contract. I can't do better than that. I'M GIVING YOU CANADIAN BASKETBALL HERO STEVE NASH FOR TWO SCRUBS!!!!!! Take him! I'm putting a ribbon on him, including a Labatt hat and everything! Just call this trade into the commissioner's office already.

Trade Pau Gasol.

You know who's not helping us Riggin' for Wiggins? A future Hall of Famer playing for a new contract. I don't need Pau dropping 23 and 11 every night. No thanks. That leaves two possible trade destinations for him.

• Destination No. 1: Hey, Cleveland, why roll the dice on Andrew Bynum's fusilli knee ligaments when you can rent Pau in a contract year? You know he'll be motivated. You know he's one of the league's best 25 players when healthy — a superior low-post player, a proven playoff guy and a perennial staple on the NBA's "Most Fun Guys to Play Basketball With" All-Stars. Why not use your excess cap space to upgrade from Anderson Varejao ($9.8 million expiring) to Gasol ($19.3 million) and flip the Lakers your 2014 no. 1 pick for their trouble? The Lakers save $30 million in luxury tax money, add a first-rounder and willingly worsen their team. Cleveland becomes a pseudo-contender while preserving their cap space to get their hearts broken by LeBron again next summer. Everyone wins!

Even better — this trade gives the Lakers a low-post combo of Chris Kaman (always gets hurt) and Varejao (always gets hurt). They could be the Twin Owww-ers. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.) You're not getting more than 75 games combined from Kaman and Varejao next season unless they're borrowing copious amounts of PEDs from the Seattle Seahawks defense. And even then, you're probably not getting there. Who's ready for a little Robert Sacre next season! Check that — who's ready for A LOT OF ROBERT SACRE next season!

• Destination No. 2: Flip Gasol's expiring contract to Chicago for Luol Deng's and Kirk Hinrich's expiring contracts. Just a fascinating trade. The Bulls know Jimmy Butler can replace Deng's minutes, and that a crunch-time five of Gasol, Joakim Noah, Derrick Rose, Butler and Mike Dunleavy Jr. (to spread the floor) would be more potent than Noah, Carlos Boozer, Deng, Butler and Rose. They'd have to say yes.

For the Lakers, they'd keep Deng for a couple of months before rerouting him to a contender for expiring deals and a pick. (You don't need Deng in a contract year making you slightly better than you need to be.) But here's the crucial part …

The Lakers can't sign LeBron after he wins his third straight NBA title for the simple reason that, in the history of basketball, the best player on a championship team has NEVER subsequently ditched that team. Shit, even Wilt wouldn't have done that. LeBron would get crucified for turning his back on a chance to win four straight. No competitive person would ever, in a million years, do something like that. That's why the Lakers need to improve the Bulls — they can't get LeBron unless Chicago, Houston, Oklahoma City, Indiana or Golden State beats the Heat. And Chicago's the best bet of them all.

Don't amnesty Metta World Peace unless you absolutely have to.

I hate losing Metta when he's the Kendrick Perkins of small forwards. Ideally, we'd need him playing 35 minutes a game, missing 60 percent of his shots, throwing passes into the third row, getting dumb technicals, and letting faster small forwards blow by him for six solid months. He's a big part of Riggin' for Wiggins. So if the Bulls won't flip Deng and Hinrich for Gasol, you make the Cleveland deal, save $30 million in luxury tax and keep Metta around.

Keep Mike D'Antoni for the entire year.

When I was going over my tentative "Save the Lakers" plan last night with my friend Lewis (a Lakers nut who's onboard with everything you just read), I jokingly asked him, "OK, what would you do with D'Antoni?"

"Are you kidding?" Lewis yelped. "YOU KEEP HIM! YOU KEEP HIM THE WHOLE SEASON! WE WANT THE WORST COACH POSSIBLE!!!!! WHY WOULD YOU EVER FIRE D'ANTONI!"

Delay Kobe's return for as long as possible.

I'm not gonna lie — this is the shakiest part of my rehab plan. Too many people have said publicly that (a) Kobe can't return in less than 10 months from that torn Achilles, and (b) even if he DOES come back, he'll never be the same. He's one of the 10 most competitive people alive. He's not going down like this. He's just not.

I'd believe anything about Kobe's summer rehab process. He's sleeping in a hyperbaric healing chamber underneath a pile of broken deer antlers? Absolutely. He's on a beach right now running wind sprints against Carl Weathers? Sure. He figured out a way to steal hemoglobin from his daughters, then have that hemoglobin injected right into his healing Achilles, but this procedure is only legal in Austria so he's been flying there twice a week? You can't rule it out.

Kobe cares about two things right now: Ring No. 6, and Kareem's record. In that order. We could talk him into playing for a historically lousy Lakers team for one season if Ring No. 6 (and maybe LeBron) was the carrot dangling on the other end. But giving up a chance at Kareem's record? That's a tougher ask. Our all-time scoring leaders right now …

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: 38,387 points
Karl Malone: 36,928 points
Michael Jordan: 32,292 points
Kobe Bryant: 31,617 points

So he's 6,770 points away. To put that in perspective, he scored 2,133 points in 78 games last season before his Achilles ripped. This is doable … you know, assuming he recovers from that devastating leg injury. I bet we see him sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Noted.

When Kobe comes back, allow him to hog the ball to alarming degrees.

Wait until he's fully healed. And when he comes back (to what you're hoping will be a 0-12 team), here's what you tell him …

Kobe, remember your ball-hogging binge in 2006 when you averaged 27.2 field goal attempts and 10.2 free throws a game because we didn't have anything else? Now we REALLY don't have anything else. We just gutted our team. Other than watching Bieber lapse in and out of consciousness in Jack's seat, Sasha and Jordan high-fiving, and Big Shot Rob cramming himself into a Lakers jersey, your scoring binges will be the only thing that keeps this godforsaken season even remotely interesting. Go for the scoring title. Play 70 games to qualify for the scoring title, then try to average 37 a game. Only Wilt and MJ have ever done it. More importantly, that's about 2,200 points in the bank. You'll pass MJ and move within 4,600 of Kareem. Shoot every time. We don't care.

You know what the best part of that plan is? Kobe's quest to score 40 every night will inadvertently become one of the more entertaining subplots of the 2013-14 season. I'd flip over to every Lakers game just to see how many points he had. So would you.

And after the regular season ended and Kobe won another scoring title, Lakers fans could spend May and June rooting against Miami, sweating out the lottery and watching DraftExpress YouTube clips. Of course, they'd still be hoping that Jimmy Buss hired the right coach, made the right lottery pick, lured LeBron, kept Kobe and spent $60 million in cap space in the best possible way … while deep down fearing that this moment might be coming.

Basically, all of this will allow the Lakers to compete with the Celtics for the best tank job and more importantly, the rights to the #1 pick - Andrew Wiggins - and save their franchise.

Read the rest here - http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/9466869/lakers

[Kurosawa0]

Agree 100%.

[TheFan]

He is just making fun of the Lakers... maybe he forgot the Celtics are in similar position.

[D-Rose]

I'll quote myself from the other thread on LA tanking..

Prime candidates of suckage:

Celtics
Sixers
Magic
Bobcats
Blazers
Jazz
Suns

Well we tried, but 25 games in our record is 7-18 so we better tank:
Kings
Wizards
Raptors
Pistons

That's a shit load of teams. This is why people need to shut up about the Lakers being able to tank with the current roster..they'll win more games than all these suckers. And another reason why I hate the logic that the Mavs should blow it up too. There's enough contenders already, bruh.

So basically, tanking is not an option for them, nor are they going to really do it. They'll win around 35 games.

On the other hand, the 2014 FA is extremely overrated and there basically is no REALISTIC manner in which LA will construct some contender from that FA class.

[jzek]

He is just making fun of the Lakers... maybe he forgot the Celtics are in similar position.

Yes and he approves of the Celtics' tanking job so far:

You know who they SHOULD be emulating, actually? My beloved Celtics. In the span of five weeks, Boston mortally wounded next year's team by dealing Garnett and Pierce (improving their Riggin' for Wiggins chances); turned the roster over to Brad Stevens (the perfect guy for a rebuild); stockpiled nine first-rounders over the next five years (along with the right to swap first-rounders with Brooklyn in 2017); and set themselves up to flagrantly stink (with the inevitable Rondo trade being the final piece).* That's a team that knows who it is, and where it is, and where it needs to be.


* Now, they have one more move: Delay Rajon Rondo's return from a torn ACL for as long as humanly possible, lose as many games as possible during that time, bring him back for a 10-game trial to show everyone he's healthy again, then move him with Gerald Wallace's hideous contract ($30.3 million over three years) for cap space, draft picks and/or one blue-chipper. If the trade isn't there, then keep Rondo around and shelve him with some bogus injury in March and April to improve our pick. My dream Celtics trade: Rondo and Wallace to Detroit for the Rodney Stuckey/Charlie Villanueva expirings and Andre Drummond. My runner-up dream trade: Rondo and Wallace to Sacramento for Ben McLemore, Jimmer Fredette, John Salmons's expiring deal, Patrick Patterson's expiring deal and a future no. 1 pick. Not saying these could happen … that's just what they have to get for Rondo. Learn from Oklahoma City's mistakes with the Harden trade — namely, not getting a blue-chipper and not clearing a bad contract (in that case, Kendrick Perkins). You have to do both, or it doesn't make sense to trade him.

[KyleKong]

Bill Simmons is the best.

[hawkfan]

Sign Nick Young, so when Kobe comes back, those two can fight over the ball.

[Scholar]

I have supreme confidence in the Lakers. They never stay bad for a long period of time.

[Rubio2Gasol]

Correct philosophy - woeful application.

On Nash - he is completely worth his contract. What someone has to do is convince him to come off the bench and run the 2nd unit where he will be given more freedom to run his game and will not be burdened with the task of guarding starting point guards the majority of the game. Get some young guys and watch him be a catalyst.

On Pau - Two things. Firstly he will re-sign with LAL if they maintain faith and do not trade him - and he will do it for substantially less money that he could potentially receive elsewhere. What they need to do for Pau is return him to center, run the offense through and force him to get back to where he was in 2011. They have the luxury of not really having to win games so they can focus on that without burning him out.

On Keeping D'Antoni - I suppose. Team is going to be a good offensive team next year and absolutely woeful defensively. One could suggest bringing in a defensive coach but that would a couple things they don't want. Mainly improve their record and burn out their old guys.

When Kobe comes back - no one knows. Coming back is an achievement in itself. Playing consistently well would be near unbelievable. Let him figure it out.

On tanking for Wiggins - This merely means get a good pick. Ideally you end up with Wiggins who and you keep. Likely you don't. Say you end up with a #5 pick. In this draft it's probably worth as much as any other year's #1. But not to the Lakers. So you find a Eastern conference team looking to rebuild, who made themselves just a little too good to effectively do so this year and take whatever they have for that #5 pick. It could almost certainly get you what you need.

Oh - and sign Deng.

[boozehound]

I'll quote myself from the other thread on LA tanking..



So basically, tanking is not an option for them, nor are they going to really do it. They'll win around 35 games.

On the other hand, the 2014 FA is extremely overrated and there basically is no REALISTIC manner in which LA will construct some contender from that FA class.

point of order. Pistons pick was traded to bobcats.

[PickernRoller]

Thanks but no thanks. Last thing we need is advice from Simmons.....not going to elaborate to keep this thread clean.

[Clifton]

This is not a good year to tank. There are too many teams that are just awful on paper, and are clearly designed to lose.

I don't believe tanking pays off. I remember Miami tanking the year before the Lebron draft. I believe they ended up with the lowest record. But Cleveland still got Lebron. (And I clearly recall them trying to win the last couple games of the season.) What did Miami get? They still got D Wade and a championship within 3 years. You can't control the future, just make the most of what you've got and keep your integrity. And, when possible, make a seriously corrupt deal for a top player giving up nothing in return. ... the LA Lakers in particular should know that tanking isn't the way. For the LA Lakers, historically, acquiring random future firsts that become #1s overall has been the way...

[SpecialQue]

Stop worrying about the Lakers, bitch, and worry about your own sorry-ass team.

[poido123]

I have supreme confidence in the Lakers. They never stay bad for a long period of time.

Except the Lakers haven't got the magic of Jerry to lean on for decisions and the respect for him in the league, its now Jim running the show. I wouldn't be so confident

[Heavincent]

[QUOTE]We don't want Jack sitting there and enduring a willfully bad Lakers team. It might kill him. You know, assuming he's still alive and they haven't been propping up his body for home games like he's Bernie Lomax.

Initially, I was thinking that Jack should turn over his 2013-14 tickets to this guy